Lately, I've kinda been feeling disconnected from my identity. I know I am a man, but I've let the fear of detransitioning make doubts in my mind. I'm so scared of being wrong. I desire so badly to be a male, to have that deep voice, to have that look, to have that masculine persona, but I'm so scared it's not what I actually want and I'm burying down true feelings. These past long months have been a toll on my mind and fucked up my self-confidence. I just wish I was more trusting of myself, and ever since the start of my grounding I just slowly stopped trusting my thoughts or ideas or feelings. I don't know if that is my fault or not too, like is there someone else to blame or is it just me? Like if I think it's someone else, then will it make me be acting like a victim? I've always felt better with more control in my life, but lately, everything just feels
so out of my reach, so out of my control.
Like how do I know if my feelings or thoughts are true or just me acting like a child? There's this deep dissociation from everything about who I am. I feel like a ghost outside his own body, searching for a way to put the puzzle back together but the pieces are all kinda floating around. I just want to feel more closer to earth instead of drifting away, I want to be more sure of myself.